24 Sep Mother and Creatress: Navigating the duality of the “mother phase”
Have I missed out on my baby’s childhood because I am always creating and following my passion? Am I selfish? Will I regret this?? Should I be doing something differently? Will they be damaged? Why can’t i be content with being full time mum? Why am i not the mother i dreamed i would be? Guilt… so much guilt.
These are the questions i ask myself almost daily.
I often look at my baby and get the pang to have another. My ovaries dance when they see his cute little wiggle, and those rosie cheeks. But the thing is, i really don’t want another baby. This was something i wrangled with recently, but (with my partner on board) decided on no more babies. It’s such a tough question that I get asked by almost everyone i catch up with “so do you think you’ll go again?” The complexity and inner turmoil that i (and probably many other women) have felt in asking myself that same question is never truly witnessed when I say “heck no!” because honestly, I would LOVE to have another baby. I always dreamed of having a big family. What I didn’t and couldn’t have anticipated though was how multi layered this “mother phase” would be.
Before I had children I would have never dreamed of juggling, nor prioritising work/career. My kids and family would be everything and that was that (or so I thought). I couldn’t understand the need to do anything else. Heck, I could probably say there was even a little judgy-pants in me when women were trying to juggle work and mothering. How could anyone possibly manage to successfully raise healthy, well rounded children, maintain a relationship, a healthy mind/body/spirit AND support any creative ventures… I didn’t really believe that there was any conceivable way for women in this world world to truly ‘have it all.’
Then I had my own children….
And as I crossed the threshold into this mother phase, I was also thrust into my soul work and my calling…
All at the same time!
What a ride.
The thing about this phase of womanhood- the phase of birthing, creating and mothering is that is it not until you move through the birth portal that things often become crystal clear. You suddenly shine a bright light on how you want to live your life, and what you want to focus on. Everything changes and your priorities completely transform.
Throughout our life we all continuously move through a number of cycles. These cycles move and flow whether we are aware of them or not. All humans cycle through the daily night and day, our monthly Lunar Cycle, Menstrual Cycle and Natal Moon cycle, yearly seasonal and sun cycles, and our life cycles (which are connected to our rites of passage).
Each cycle connects us back to the seasons and to the rhythms of the earth:
Birth/Rebirth- spring, Bloom-summer, Harvest/Decay- Autumn, Death-Winter,
We experience the following phases over our lifetime:
Birth- Our first initiation.
Menarche- When a girl becomes a woman and begins her first bleed. This is our initiation and birth into our own self and power (a bit of a rebirth)
Motherhood- Stepping through the birth portal to bring forth new life in all of it’s forms. Not just children, but all possible projects and creations.
Menopause and retirement- The embodiment of our life’s work and wisdom as we harvest the fruits of our hard work, celebrate our life and pass down the wisdom to the next generation in preparation for death (and rebirth).
Death- our final rite of passage in this life.
According to a Native American Proverb, A woman’s first bleed- her menarche is her time to be introduced to her incredible, potent power. This is the time that begins forging the foundations of a woman’s self esteem.
As she transitions from maiden to mother during her bleeding years, a woman brings forth life in all of it’s forms. This time of creating and birthing of children and projects. It is a time of juggle and surrender. It is magic, and it is wild. This season of life; Motherhood asks of many of us to use our creative juices to both parent and priestess.
“This is the crux of being a Creative Mother. It is more than how many jumpers you have knitted, or having an exhibition in a fancy gallery, or a bookshelf of your own books. It is about the act of living authentically whilst honoring your mother self and creative self. About saying yes to life, every part of your life, and finding how to weave them all together.”
I fully surrender to the embodiment of this birthing and blooming phase that I currently reside.
I am equally as committed to serving my children and family as I am to serving the divine. She has called me to serve by harnessing my creativity and birthing power and offering those gifts out into the world.
But i still ask myself those questions. Am i a good mum? Am i sacrificing too much?
Gosh i love their little faces and will miss them so much when they are big.
Why can’t i just be present and enjoy every moment?
For some women/mothers the mother phase means many children and an immersion into every inch of motherhood. That’s what i had dreamed of being (and somewhat still grieve that this wasn’t to be my path). The playdate-making, craft-creating, homeschooling, kitchen witch’n, school-committee-joining, all-encompassing, dedicated solely to every inch of motherhood mother. Yet here i am. Addicted to creating in every possible way. Committed to mothering my boys, but Juggling all that both parenting, priestessing and serving the Divine asks of me. Both the same, but different. All at the same time. Surrendering to the needs of both.
I have heard myself say that there are many external reasons for why i do this work, but the truth is, I do this not for any reason other than I am called and that I cannot NOT do it! It’s not for money, or for validation. I could do many other things that require less effort. This creative outlet and zone of genius is what brings me immense pleasure and joy, just as much as my children. Isn’t that the feeling we are all striving for?
This phase may for some offer no birthing of children at all and focusing solely on creative ventures, projects, travel, pleasure seeking, business adventures and everything in between. But for mothers like me, when we crossed the threshold from maiden to mother, through the birth portal like all the women before us, we were given the task of balancing motherhood in two very distinct facets. Birthing children & Birthing our creative projects. And my Gosh is it a balance.
I often feel like i am living a double life.
On Monday, Wednesday and Friday i’m the active-wear sporting, ouchie kissing, tear wiping, meltdown averting mother of two boys. While Tuesday and Thursday (providing kids are well and cared for) i get to dive into serving the divine by offering my gifts to the world and building my business. I love both! They are the two parts that make me whole. The juggle is definitely real and exhausting though. There are times when I wonder if I am doing a good job at either of them! I am often mother by day, and creatress by night. “Sleep deprivation” can an understatement when I am not organised. But i couldn’t stop if i tried. This is just how it is for me, and I am fortunate to surround myself with the support of my husband, family and other women who have also been called to this double birthing life. Those who understand the pure joys and challenges that come with this call. To have others around me that just ‘get it’ is such a gift because we support each other to ensure that we continue to feel fulfilled in both areas of our life. Both facets that compliment and support one another.
With this phase, like with every phase, there is a death and a rebirth.
I have shed my maiden skin, my identity changed. I have released the parts of myself and my life that no longer served me in this phase and I feel fresh and full of excitement and gratitude for all that this phase offers. No matter how nostalgic I have felt about my maiden phase (like all that sleep I used to have) and the dreams I had of what I thought this phase would bring, I never expected the complete and utter magic that I would be able to be part of and be honoured to create. I never could have estimated how rich, multilayered, exciting and fulfilling my life would be. Everything I do, I do to bring joy into the lives of all of my family.
When I am happy and fulfilled I am a much better mother.
I know that without this work I would feel empty and lost and my parenting would suffer. I am not perfect in the slightest, and “busy-ness” is something I have to watch myself from glorifying like much of our culture does. But I am definitely a better mother because of this work, and I am a better human and better at sharing my gifts into the world because of my children. I would never have found this passion if it weren’t for them. That is part of the magic and transformation that occurs when a mother is born.
“When a child is born, a mother is also born” ~ OSHO
I continue to live in peaceful reverrance of all the mothers gone before me, who have lived this path and beyond, knowing that I and all women are not alone in our ability to release and transform each and every phase.
If you are mothering full time and your gifts are pouring into your kids, i honour you. If you have been called in this life to serve the world and not bear children from your womb (or otherwise), I see and honour you. If you have been asked to serve the divine in a way that means a daily juggle, sister, i see you and i honour you. There is no one right way. You are a good mum. Just don’t forget to take care of you!
If you would like support in juggling your divine Creatress gifts, and be guided in how to balance and flow in both- without the guilt and without the burn out, check out my Ultimate Flow Planners! Lovingly created by this Wild Creatress, for all the others like me striving to find our ultimate flow, balance and connection in our life and soul work.