25 May Are you attached to the outcomes of your clients?
Birthworkers… are you attached to the ‘outcomes’ of the people you are working with?Are you personally attached to the point that you will feel personally affected by the outcome of your client’s birth? This deep questioning can bring about a lot of feelings but is important to ask. It might sound common sense or just plain offensive to be asking, but seriously, look deep within yourself and be honest. Once you can acknowledge the truth behind your feelings you can work with them.
I have witnessed doulas feel attached to their clients achieving a certain ‘outcome.’ That it will reflect on their ability to do the work, or their reputation, or their sense of identity or confidence as a doula. As womxn cross the threshold from maiden to mother this journey never has an ‘ending’. It is an end and a beginning and everything in between.
What we can most hope for is not an outcome but a feeling for our clients. When we hold space for this transformation we embrace whatever medicine comes through and hold protective space for the woman to feel safe to stand in her full power and enable her desires to be met. We walk with them on their journey without judgement, without shame, without any expectation, without the need to fix anything and especially without attachment to any outcome. But as space holders our feelings still matter! Always.
What is important is that even when they feel uncomfortable, that you find a safe space away from clients to shine a light on all that you hide away. To bring it to the surface to be witnessed and healed. Why might you feel attached? What needs to be healed in you to support your own triggers to lose their power in your work?
If you are a Doula in your first 12 months, THRIVE can be your safe space. Here you will be seen, heard and held in a way that allows you to completely unfurl as a newborn doula in sacred services.
When you allow yourself to fully open and unfold in a way that feels gentle and without force, you can enter fully present, grounded and open to your clients in a way that inexplicably embodies the definition of holding space.